Get Out of my Bed
by flower-strike
Summary: Relationships between roommates at Saotome Academy can get a little complicated, and Haruka doesn't know the half of it. Gen, based solely off the anime.


"What do you think the boys do after they're supposed to be sleeping?" wonders Haruka.

Tomochika purses her lips, thinking. The bobby pins she's been holding in her mouth drop into her lap. She picks them back up and wrestles with her hair, trying to pin it all out of her face.

"I bet they _kiss_," she says.

"T-Tomo-chan! That's...! No they don't!"

Tomochika laughs and flicks a bobby pin over at her. "I know they don't," she says. "I just wanted to see you get all flustered. I bet this is why all the guys like you, Haru-chan. They talk to you and you blush right away."

"No I don't," protests Haruka weakly, even though she can feel the blush still lighting up her face.

"Hmm, sure," says Tomochika, finishing up with her hair. "Hey, want me to do a mud mask for you too?"

Twenty minutes later, Haruka and Tomochika are leaning on the counter in their shared bathroom, flicking water at each other and laughing at their green faces. "I don't even care what the boys are doing," says Tomochika. "It can't be half as much fun as this, right?"

"Stop it," says Masato.

"Stop what?"

"You know what you're doing."

"Hmm, but how do _you_ know what I'm doing? You haven't looked at me since classes ended."

"Yes, I try not to," replies Masato. He finishes the last delicate stroke of his calligraphy and sets the pen aside. "Fine."

He turns deliberately, only to find Ren sprawled on his bed, arms folded behind his head. Ren is smirking at him. Sometimes Masato wonders if Ren is even able to look at people in socially acceptable ways.

"You are behaving like an idiot, as usual," he says. "What am I supposed to be seeing?"

"I don't know," says Ren, shrugging. "You're the one who thinks I'm doing something wrong."

"Everything you do is wrong."

"Masa." Ren rises from his bed in one lazy movement, like a very large and blond cat. "Masa, Masa, Masa."

"Jinguji," replies Masato. "I think we've established that you know my name now."

His sarcasm is completely ignored by Ren, who ruins his catlike demeanor by falling gracelessly onto Masato's bed. Masato is happier than ever that he had the sense to put away his brushes and clean up his ink; otherwise he, Ren, and the bedsheets would be bathing in black ink. Ren rolls over, apparently to get comfortable. In the process, he ends up taking up so much space that his feet are crammed into Masato's lap.

There is no way to get Ren's disgusting feet out of his lap without actually touching him, so Masato settles for glaring. "Don't you have pretty girls you could be hitting on?"

"I'm not allowed in the girls' dorms at night," says Ren sadly. "Not after what happened last year."

"Yes, I know you're still heartbroken over that."

"It is not I who is heartbroken, but the beautiful ladies who are now deprived of the chance to bask in my endless adoration."

Masato just looks at him. Unfortunately, Ren is sitting on the end of his bed in some kind of model pose that involves half-closing his eyes and tilting his head back, so he can't see anything. He opens his eyes slowly and rakes his hand through his hair, which promptly falls back in his eyes again.

If this works on girls, Masato will be forced to retire to his room for a month to compose an epic on the plight of humanity and then hang it over Ren's bed. The man looks like a damn idiot.

"Great," says Masato. "Get out of my bed."

"I'm bored, though," says Ren, looking at him as if he actually expects Masato to care.

"So? Go play with your darts."

"My darts don't love me."

"Neither do I."

"But you could learn to love me," says Ren. "We could share in our experiences and learn each other's best traits and weaknesses until we were the best of friends."

"Or not," suggests Masato. "Also, don't try to use your lines on me. Do I look like one of your girls?"

Ren props his chin on his hand and considers this as if it is a serious question. "What would you do if I said yes?"

"I would punch you."

"Hmm," says Ren unhelpfully. "Do you know Hisagawa Atsuko from S Class? Her hair looks just like yours, but longer. Isn't that called a hime-cut? Does that make you a princess?"

"No."

"Hey, hey!" Ren leans back, away from Masato's fist. "I'm just saying, you have a girly haircut. You do look a little like one of my girls. But I'm not doubting your masculinity or anything."

"I'm not reassured."

"Masa, I've seen you doing archery and kendo. I know you could beat the shit out of me if you really wanted. I just want to talk to you more. Is it my fault that everything I say sounds like a pickup line to you, just because I am naturally so seductive?"

"Yes," says Masato, but he doesn't entirely mean it. He's never seen Ren look at him like a person worth talking to, just as a rival or a toy to mess with. He's never seen Ren look at anyone like that. He's not doubting anymore.

Although that doesn't mean it's okay for Ren to be on his bed.

Shou wakes up to the feeling of a marker running over his skin. The fact that he can even recognize the sensation is a problem, but what's more of a problem is the person he knows is holding the damn thing.

"Natsuki," he says, hoping he can force an angry edge to his voice when he's just woken up. "Get out of my bed."

"I'm not in your bed," says Natsuki.

He's totally in his bed. That kind of fast denial is just proof. Shou wishes for the hundredth time that Headmaster Shining would listen to his pleas to get a normal roommate instead of bursting into songs about the joys of youth. Very slowly, he opens his eyes.

Natsuki is sitting right next to him, holding a marker in one hand and a camera in the other. "I'm _on_ your bed!" he chirps.

"Oh my god get away from me," says Shou in one very annoyed breath.

He tries to flail around and shove Natsuki away, but the blankets stop him from doing much other than rolling around. It's having the opposite effect he wants: Natsuki is smiling at him like a dork and raising his camera again.

"No, stop it, no."

Shou manages to sit up and punch Natsuki in the stomach. Since Natsuki is giant and actually has muscles, it doesn't do anything other than surprise him.

"Shou-chan?"

"You have your own bed for a reason! You have your own side of the room! And taking pictures of me is really creepy, do you know that? I could probably get you expelled for sexual harassment or something!"

"But... Shou-chan." Natsuki is pouting. Even in the dark, Shou can tell. The guy thinks he can pout like a girl and look cute like a girl, and it'll get him out of trouble. But it can't, okay. Especially not with Shou.

"I thought you loved me, Shou-chan."

"No, that's you," says Shou. "Creep. I guess I like you. Sometimes. When you're not freaking sneaking into my bed at night."

That was the wrong thing to say. Natsuki launches himself at Shou, knocking him back against the bed with the force. And with his weight. The guy is like twice Shou's size, and you'd think after this long one of them would learn that Natsuki could crush him like an insect, but no.

"Shou-chaaaaaan!" cries Natsuki, squeezing Shou's neck hard enough to break something. "That's the cutest thing you've ever said to me! You really are a cutie."

"Ugh, get off me. It wasn't even that cute."

"But it was cute for you. Usually your cute face doesn't match what you say at all." Natsuki sighs, apparently distraught that Shou isn't his perfect cute snugglebunny.

Shou sighs. His sigh is more of "why is this my life," though. "Natsuki, if you don't go back to sleep in your own damn bed, I will never say anything cute to you again. Do you hear me? Sleep. Your bed. Now."

Natsuki slides off his bed and into his own with a cheery "good night, Shou-chan!"

"G'night," mutters Shou.

Honestly, it's like rooming with a giant kid, he thinks as he goes back to sleep.

When he wakes up in the morning to find smudged whiskers drawn on his face as he tries to brush his teeth, he changes his mind. It's like having to take care of an obnoxious manchild. And the worst part is: the more he thinks about it, the less he minds.

"Hey."

No answer.

"Hey!"

No answer.

"Tokinya~n!"

"What."

"Let's have a sleepover!" says Otoya.

Tokiya closes his book very slowly to avoid chucking it at Otoya. "We sleep in the same room, Ittoki," he says. "We have slept in the same room for a year now."

"But we've never had a _sleepover_," says Otoya, looking deadly serious. Or, at least, Tokiya can only assume Otoya is serious when his eyes are this intense and his smile is so blinding.

"Okay, tell me. What's the difference between being roommates and having a sleepover?"

"Tomo-chan told me all about this yesterday! Girls have sleepovers where they eat food and watch movies and do each other's hair and talk about things and it sounds soooo much cooler than what we do."

"What they do" is Tokiya reads and studies while Otoya prances around like an idiot and plays the guitar upside down on his bed. Tokiya likes their current arrangement, although he'd prefer if Otoya were a little quieter. Also, he's never done anyone's hair in his life and doesn't particularly want to.

"We're not girls," he says.

"I know that, duh. But don't you get bored of just sitting on your side of the room reading? Come on, I bet our teachers would want us to be better friends."

"We can become friends without doing whatever stupid thing you're talking about."

"Nope!" Otoya bounces off his bed and onto Tokiya's chair, the one he has expressly forbidden Otoya from sitting on. He's already broken one of Tokiya's chairs this year by spinning in circles until he's so dizzy that he breaks the chair against the desk.

Tokiya starts to yell at him for not following his rules and upsetting the delicate balance that is their relationship, but Otoya shushes him.

"We are not going to be friends if you keep being this mean and calling my ideas stupid, Tokinyan. And if you don't at least try to be friendly, I'll tell Ringo-sensei and he'll tell the headmaster and you'll probably get expelled."

"Oh God," says Tokiya under his breath. "Okay, fine. What do you want us to do to promote our friendship?"

"Talk!"

"About?"

"Um..." Otoya tilts his head to the side like a puppy. For someone who professes to know so much about bonding through sleepovers, he doesn't seem to have thought this out.

"Anything!" he says finally. "Life, books, songs... girls? Do you like any girls?"

"No," says Tokiya, because he doesn't like anyone.

"I like Nanami Haruka," announces Otoya.

"I've noticed."

Rather than taking this as the cue to stop talking it is, Otoya migrates from Tokiya's chair to the foot of Tokiya's bed. "Don't you think she's cute, Tokinyan? She's so sweet and nice, even to Ren! And her eyes are so cool... I really want to sing one of her songs. Do you think she'd write one for me?"

Tokiya sighs deeply and presses his hand to his temple. "Can we please talk about school?"

"I'm going to ask Nanami to be my partner for the big project. Who are you going to ask, Tokinyan? If you ask Nanami, we'll have to be rivals!"

Suddenly Tokiya can't even deal with Otoya anymore. He's too perky for this hour of the night. He's too perky no matter what time it is, but Tokiya is usually asleep before he has to experience Otoya's midnight cheer.

"I don't plan to ask her," says Tokiya. "Let's go to sleep, Ittoki."

"Okay!"

Otoya doesn't move from Tokiya's bed. This is past the point of no return for Tokiya. Not only is he too tired to deal with this, he refuses to understand why Otoya can't go to his own damn bed.

"Get out of my bed," he says.

"But, Tokinyan," says Otoya. "I thought we were having a sleepover."

"This whole sleepover thing is stupid and you can pretend we're having one from across the room if you really must," is what Tokiya wants to say. Unfortunately, his willpower crumbles at the sight of Otoya's face. He looks like he's about to cry or something.

There are a lot of things Tokiya wouldn't think twice about doing, especially if they would help him to advance his career, but making Ittoki Otoya cry isn't one of them.

"Fine," he grits out. "Just stay on your side of the bed and don't touch me."

He doesn't expect it to happen. Otoya can't even stay on his own side of their shared room; there's no way he'll follow rules in a smaller space. He ends up having to push Otoya's arms off his waist several times before they're both comfortable enough to fall asleep.

Why girls do this, Tokiya has no idea. Maybe their friends pressure them into it the way Otoya did to him. In any case, Otoya beaming at him in the morning almost makes up for the number of times he got kicked during the night.

Haruka wakes up with Tomochika's face smushed into her neck and a lot of hair trying to get inside the neck of her nightgown.

"Tomo-chan?" she says sleepily.

"Haru-chan?"

"Why are you in my bed?"

Tomochika unsticks her hair and face from Haruka and yawns. "You're in my bed. Remember? We spilled goop all over yours last night."

"Oh," says Haruka. She doesn't remember, actually, but a glance across the room helps. There's a big splotch of the green stuff Tomochika painted over their faces last night on the edge of her bed. She vaguely remembers trying to wash it off with one of Tomochika's exfoliating sponges, but it seems to have dried onto the sheets anyway.

"I can't see my clock, what time is it?"

"Uh... six?"

"Oh my god, way too early. Get out of my bed. I'm going back to sleep," announces Tomochika, rolling over and pulling her blankets over her head.

Most of the blankets fall off Haruka, leaving her cold and probably unable to fall asleep even if Tomochika would let her.

"Tomo-chan," she says. She pokes Tomochika until she gets a muffled "huh?" from the pile of blankets that is her roommate.

"What if this was what the guys did? Like, did mud masks and giggled and fell asleep next to each other?"

"Don't make me laugh," says Tomochika through the blankets. "Sure, they're girly and dumb, but they aren't _that_ girly and dumb."


End file.
